• Do you currently spend time with children? Do you enjoy it? (Whether you answer yes or no doesn't predict how you'll feel about your own children, but giving some thought to the issue can highlight some of your assumptions and attitudes about life with children.)
  
• What ages of children are you particularly comfortable with? What age do you gravitate toward? (If you're not comfortable with a particular age group, it may hint at issues in your own childhood that need resolving. Also, addressing this question is a good reality check: Parenthood is permanent, and you can't just raise your kids during the "fun" years.)
  
• What are your thoughts on the responsibilities and commitment of parenthood? (This question is just a way to help you reflect on the demands of parenting and whether you're comfortable with them.)
  
• How do you cope with stress? Is it something you would want your child to witness? How did you learn that method of coping? (Research shows that your level of stress can affect your children and your ability to parent effectively. If you feel you don't have a good handle on managing your stress, now is a great time to start learning some new coping mechanisms.)
  
• What are your hopes about being a parent? What if they're not met? (Parenthood isn't all shared hugs and fits of giggling; there will be tough times and disappointments, and your children may not be what you expect. This is a good reality check question.)
  
• What are your fears? What if they are met? (You can't work out your fears in advance. Aspects of parenting are frightening — it's a big responsibility. But it can help to voice your fears and examine them now.)
  
• How much like your own parents do you want to be? How different do you want to be? (Our own parents are the best models we have for raising children. Some of their lessons are positive and others negative. Examine your life with your parents and think about what you can learn from their triumphs and shortcomings.)
  
• As a child, what messages did you get about what a parent is supposed to be? (This is another question that can help you examine your expectations of parenthood and weed out underlying assumptions that may not be useful.)

Your family history
These questions can help you access blocked feelings that may be clouding your decision-making process. Often unresolved, possibly unrecognized, grief from earlier losses stands in the way of making big decisions — such as whether to become a parent.

• What did you enjoy about being a child? What didn't you enjoy? (If you're having trouble deciding whether you want children, it may have something to do with unresolved issues from your own childhood.)
  
• What did you appreciate about the parenting you received? What didn't go well? (Our own parents teach us many lessons — both positive and negative. Think about what you'd like to emulate from your own childhood and what you'd like to change.)
  
• Was one of your parents (or other family members) gravely ill during your childhood? Did one or both die? Have you effectively grieved this loss? (Unresolved, or even unrecognized, grief from childhood can stand in the way of making big decisions, such as whether to become a parent.)
  

Your values
This set of questions will help you pinpoint the personal attitudes and values you'll bring to the role of parent. It will also help identify differences that may exist between you and your partner (if you have one).

• What would you like to pass on that you got from your parents? What wouldn't you like to pass on? (This question helps you hone in on and verbalize what you think is important to bring to the role of parent).
  
• What are your priorities for your children? For example, do you want them all to have a college education? What values do you want to instill in them? (We all come to parenthood with a set of expectations, often unspoken. This question helps you clarify your hopes and dreams for your children.)
  
• What are your thoughts about disciplining children? Check with your partner and compare. (This is an area where partners often disagree. Talking about these issues now won't prevent future problems, but it will give you a chance to talk about setting limits and how you might go about doing so.)

Your life and how it could change
Answering these will give you insight into the practical realities of your situation, which you should consider before taking on parenthood.

• Talk to people who've decided not to have children; talk to people who've decided to have children. How does what they tell you make you feel? (We're not suggesting that you base your decision on what others say, but hearing friends and relatives talk about their own parenthood choices can raise new issues for you to consider.)
  
• What does your support system look like? (We're not saying you need a whole village to raise your child, but a few people to lean on can really help. Childrearing is difficult to do on your own. Do you have a partner, or family and friends nearby that you can look to for assistance? This isn't a prerequisite for parenthood, but it's a wonderful addition.)
  
• What do you do when you have free time? What will you do when you don't have any? (This is one of the practical realities of parenthood. You'll never again be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, without considering the effect on your children. They will and should become your number one priority — are you ready for that?)
  
• How do you think your life will change? (This is a given. Your life will change irrevocably. Most parents say it's for the better, but the affect on your time, energy, wishes and desires can be enormous. Take a moment now to seriously think about the new life you are considering.)