Inside this article:
Introduction
Fatherhood
Inspires You to Ditch Bad Habits
Fatherhood
Pumps Up Your Self-Esteem
At 15 months, my daughter, Elena,
has begun to display some real talent with a spoon. She is now
able to steer it directly into her mouth without leaving even a
morsel of food on her cheek. Sometimes she'll even feed me--last
night's offering was mashed carrots--as if to say, "If it's
good for me, Daddy, it's good for you too."
Elena's attempt to share her food has special meaning because
it's a perfect metaphor for a realization I've had since
becoming a dad. While trying to help her grow up a healthy and
happy child, I've discovered that she's been helping me live
better too. Or to put it more plainly, my daughter has done
wonders for my physical and emotional health.
I'm not alone in appreciating these types of benefits of being a
dad. "Fatherhood comes with a lot of great health perks,
" says Marcus Goldman, M.D., author of
The Joy of
Fatherhood: The First Twelve Months (Prima Publishing,
2000). "Not only does it inspire men to take better care of
themselves physically, but it also fills them with a sense of
purpose that genuinely enhances their psychological well-being.
"
Research has consistently found that having an involved dad
benefits kids. A study at the University of Maryland School of
Medicine, in Baltimore, concluded that children who have active
fathers learn better, have higher self esteem, and are less
prone to depression than those who don't.
Now researchers are starting to look at how being an involved
dad affects men, and many benefits--both physical and
mental--are already clear.
It Inspires You to
Ditch Bad Habits (Page
2) Top
A good friend of mine
stopped smoking the day his wife discovered that she was
pregnant. "And I stopped going out for beers with the guys
after work so frequently," he told me. "I suddenly had
this feeling, Whoa--what kid wants to have a smoker and a
drinker for his dad? It was like I instantly grew up; I knew
that I had to be a good role model for my child."
Over the years, studies have documented the fact that married
men are less likely to cultivate dangerous habits such as
smoking, drinking, or even motorcycle riding. According to Linda
Waite, coauthor of The Case for Marriage: Why Married People
Are Happier, Healthier and Better Off Financially (Broadway
Books, 2001), it follows logically that being a father has a
similar positive effect. "Having a wife and children
creates structure in men's lives, " Waite says. "The
simple fact that they have a family to come home to compels them
to behave more responsibly."
It Makes You Care About What You Eat
Okay, so maybe you occasionally agree to lunch at McDonald's
when you've got a toddler tugging on your leg, begging for a
Happy Meal. But many dads say that, overall, having children has
made them more concerned about eating healthfully.
"Before having kids, I would eat at Taco Bell at least four
days a week, " says Dave Pasch, a 29-year-old father of two
from Syracuse, New York. "But now that my wife and I have a
family, we actually all sit down together and have healthy,
home-cooked meals. We don't keep junk food in the house--and our
kids are developing good habits as a result. Lexi, my 4-year-old
daughter, actually loves to munch on broccoli. "
It Forces You to Get Off Your Butt
Kids have an uncanny way of getting even the most dedicated
couch potato up and moving. Playfully hoisting a toddler over
your head burns calories, and pushing a stroller around the park
is a good workout. Beyond that, however, many fathers say they
feel compelled to stay physically fit because having kids makes
them acknowledge their own vulnerability. "Men realize they
need to take care of themselves if they want to be around for
their children, " says Kenneth Goldberg, M.D., author of The
Men's Health Longevity Program (Rodale Press, 2001).
"Mortality, " he adds, "is a great motivator for
men. "
It certainly motivated Evan Levy, 35, a father of three from
Danville, California. After his mother-in-law died last year,
leaving his kids with only one living grandparent, he made a
commitment to a healthier lifestyle. "I want to do
everything I can to be around for my children as long as
possible, " he says. "So now I make exercise a
priority instead of just fitting it in. I go to the gym three
days a week; and virtually every afternoon when I get home from
work, I put my 1-year-old in the stroller and go for a long
walk."
It Reminds You to Get a Checkup
Maybe it's a feeling of macho invulnerability-or perhaps we're
just scared-but men have always been less likely than women to
go to their doctors for annual exams and routine screenings. Yet
many say that seeing their wives go to the doctor during
pregnancy-and taking their children for well-baby-care
visits-has inspired them to become more aware of their own
health. One of my friends visited a dermatologist after reading
about skin problems in a medical text that he'd consulted about
his daughter's rash. "I realized I had a suspicious mole on
my back, and I wanted to have it checked out," he
confessed. I've certainly become more health-conscious myself.
After taking Elena for her one-year checkup, I made an
appointment to go for my own physical-something I hadn't done in
years. I'm glad I did; my doctor discovered that my cholesterol
level was higher than it should be. (Yes, I know; I need to eat
right and exercise to get it under control! My wife has told me
so a million times.)
Eases the Tension in Your Life
Children certainly create stress in some ways, but they also do
wonders to relieve it. "When I come home from work, my
3-year-old daughter and I have a standing date to watch Clifford
the Big Red Dog together," says Ken Ferber, of Thousand
Oaks, California. "I can literally feel my heart rate go
down, the headache dissipate, and life begin anew."
Ferber is on to something: A long-term study by the National
Institute of Mental Health, in Bethesda, Maryland, found that
men with healthy family relationships are less prone to
stress-related health problems. "Dads who have good
relationships with their children are less likely to suffer from
chest pain, insomnia, fatigue, indigestion, and dizziness,"
says Rosalind C. Barnett, Ph.D., lead author of the study.
It Pumps Up Your
Self-Esteem (Page
3) Top
Today's dads are redefining
fatherhood: A survey by the New York City-based Families and
Work Institute found that men are spending more time with their
children than on their own interests and pursuits. Another study
found that dads between the ages of 20 and 39 are more likely
than older dads to prioritize family over career.
One of the by-products of being an active dad is a boost to the
man's sense of pride and self-worth. "To be an integral
part of your child's life, you may have to give up a few things
that once seemed important," Dr. Goldman says. "But
once a man makes that commitment to his family, there are
enormous rewards: You see the positive effect you have on your
kids, and that, in turn, affects how you feel about yourself and
your success as a parent--and as a person."
That's why fatherhood provides a good buffer against mental
illness in men. The more positive a man's relationships with his
wife and children, the less likely he is to suffer from
depression, anxiety, or other mental-health problems, according
to Dr. Barnett. In fact, the research shows that the more
involved a man is with his kids, the more likely he is to have a
good relationship with his spouse as well.
It Fills You With Optimism--and Joy
Though dads may initially moan about the loss of freedom that
parenthood brings, most ultimately find that being a father
gives them a richer and fuller life. "Raising kids forces
men to look beyond themselves, which is very good for their
mental well-being," Waite says. What's more, having hopes
and dreams for their children tends to make men more
hopeful--and that's good. Over the years, studies have
consistently found that optimists suffer less depression, fight
disease more effectively, and even live longer than pessimists
do.
Having a child certainly has given me a much more positive
outlook on life. I've found that fatherhood is a potent mood
booster; a mere glance at my daughter can fill me with
unparalleled joy. When she gets excited about something I've
long since taken for granted--like a yellow balloon!--her
enthusiasm is contagious. At the same time, when she's upset I
feel that I have no choice but to be my best self--a happy
clown, a sweet comforter--to try to put her in a better mood.
To sum it up: I feel much happier to be alive. Before becoming a
father, I had no idea that being a nurturer could make a man
feel so terrific.
