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Parenting is all about relating.
The better our relationship with our children, the better our
chances at effective parenting. Youth expert Josh McDowell
believes there are six factors that play into good parenting. He
calls them the 6 "A"s.
Affirmation
When we affirm a child’s
feelings it gives them a sense of authenticity.
Have you ever heard the old
saying, "Laugh with those who are happy and cry with those
who are sad?" It means that when our child is sharing his
feelings or opinions, they want us to listen and affirm them.
It would go something like this.
Your son comes home and says, "Man! My math teacher made me
so mad today, he said I wasn’t trying."
Well, your instinct might be to
try to downplay the situation like this, "Oh son, he
probably didn’t mean anything by it. Let it go." Or you
might say – before you even address his feelings – "Now
son, were you trying? Maybe he had a point." Or,
"You’re a big boy now, you can’t get so upset about
things."
Those are all attempts to control
or fix the situation. Instead try, "Son, I am so sorry that
happened. How do you feel about it now."
Even when we don’t agree with
our children, we can still affirm them as individuals.
Acceptance
When you give unconditional
acceptance you give a child a sense of security.
This basically comes down to one
principle that must be conveyed to our children: I don’t love
you because of what you do or achieve, I love you because
you’re my child.
Our love and affection should not
be based on grades, behavior or achievements.
Appreciation
When we express appreciation it
gives a child a sense of significance.
Appreciation is one of the most
powerful motivations for right behavior. So, the more we
"catch" our children doing things right, and we
express our appreciation, the more motivated they will be to
behave better.
Availability
When we are available to our
children it gives them a sense of importance.
We can say all we want about how
important our children are to us. But if we’re not giving them
our time, our words will ring hollow. Our children should come
before our TV-watching, our hobbies and our desire to make
money.
Children spell love – T-I-M-E.
Affection
When we show our children
affection it gives them a sense of lovability.
All children want to feel like
they are lovable. Josh McDowell says not only that, but every
child is going to prove they are lovable. If they don’t
get love from you they will get it somewhere else.
Accountability
When we hold children accountable
it gives them a sense of responsibility and self-control.
Children need the disciplines of
responsibility and self-control to function successfully in
life. As parents, we must create a context for rules and
boundaries. Once those guidelines are set, we must be consistent
in enforcing them.
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